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Saved by the BelLSAT


Well it looks like soon you’ll be able to enjoy a snack attack right where you have your Zack Attacks, because a Saved by the Bell-themed restaurant will be serving up A.C. Sliders in Chicago later this year. Further face-palm-worthy puns will surely abound.

But the real question, as you take your brief – brief, I say! – break from your LSAT studies, is what each of these characters would have looked like had they pursued a legal career. What field would they work in? Where would they go to school?

Jessie Spano (the tall one! How could you forget??) is obvious. As is revealed in the last season, Jessie jaunts off to Columbia University. There I’m sure she’d have excelled, double-majoring in Anthropology and International Human Rights. After two years in the Peace Corps, I suspect she’d be off to Stanford, a longtime dream of hers. Jessie probably starts out working for the ACLU, before branching out to start her own civil rights law firm.

Zack. So much potential. Following a successful undergraduate career as a frat-star, but without commensurate success academically, Mr. Morris knew he had to really deliver on the LSAT. And he did: with a 179 on his exam, which lent itself quite well to his analytical mind, he enrolled at NYU Law and did reasonably well – even going so far as to attend his classes (during his 1L and 2L years, at least). Unfortunately, at present Mr. Morris remains under house-arrest following an ugly bit of insider-trading during his tenure at a prestigious New York firm.

Now I know we’re all most curious where Screech wound up. Let us not forget: the man was valedictorian, after all. As it turned out, after attending Cal U Screech went straight through to Yale Law, where he quickly became enamored with the machinations of power. After a Federal Appellate and then Supreme Court clerkship, Screech joined the tax department of a Magic Circle firm, and currently resides in London. He makes regular visits out to see Zack, of course.

As a brief aside, Dustin Diamond, the um… person who played Screech, has been on the wrong side of the criminal legal system. Even worse – and please try not to throw up on your keyboard/tablet/phone as you read the following – he made a sex tape. (Fight the urge to click that link, pardner. You’ll regret it.) In short, the real-life Screech would’ve gotten a 120 on the LSAT.

Kelly Kapowski? Lisa? A.C. Slater? I leave them to you folks. How do they wind up after Bayside High?