A. An Illinois voter has brought a lawsuit challenging the eligibility of Rafael “Canadian Ted” Cruz to run for the highest office in the land. Sucks to be Ted, eh hoser? CNN
B. Kris Jenner is worried that Kanye is damaging the Kardashian brand. In relevant analogy news, she’s also worried that adding tires to that dumpster fire over there is going to make it smell bad. Reality TV World
C. The Justice Dept. has called Apple’s refusal to unlock an iPhone in connection with its investigation into the San Bernardino terror attacks is a “marketing strategy.” Steve Jobs must be so proud. From hell. The New York Times
D. Harvard Law School is suing Washington state over its Medicaid drug practices. Yes, you are correct when you note that Harvard Law School is nowhere near Washington State. Boston Business Journal
E. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Kevin Hart will host the 2016 MTV Movie Awards. We hope that The Rock wears Kevin Hart in a Baby Bjorn for the entire show. The Los Angeles Times