Things to do With Your Law Degree (Aside from the Obvious)

If you’re like I was, you’re going to law school because you’re very intelligent (nice e-back-pat, huh?) and have yet to find your muse. Aside from the studying (and there’ll be plenty), law school is the path of least resistance. You can remain in the cushy confines of academia, casually staving off real adulthood for a few more years while managing to glean something potentially useful.

And if you’re like me, you have no effing clue precisely what you’re going to do with that shiny degree of yours upon graduation. So, in order to assuage your uncertainty and cure your incessant nail-biting, I’ve compiled yet another interwebz-friendly list of things to do with (or to) your law degree:

1. Play Frisbee

Sure, a flimsy piece of paper doesn’t fly that well on its own, but once you get that tree-killing biscuit of achievement framed, it’s a different story altogether. The wood and glass add needed heft to the document and allow for a greater ability to cut through the pesky headwinds that are the bane of all frisbee enthusiasts. So take that certificate of ambivalence out to a field and chuck it around with your friends. Just make sure you have protective eyewear. Those sharp corners’ll getcha.

2. Do Your Best Flavor Flav Impression

No, I’m not suggesting you get a horrifying yet incredibly entertaining reality show on VH1. Nor am I suggesting that you have seven kids and give the women on your show purposely misspelled nicknames. I’m not evening suggesting that you go around spouting the catchphrase, “Yeah Boy!”

What I am suggesting is that you go to your friendly neighborhood pawn broker and find a phat (yes, with a “P-H”) gold rope chain from which to suspend your gold-stamped, calligraphy-laden doctorate of all things legal. Take your giant clock substitute around town in your hoopdie with the top down and Public Enemy blaring so everyone knows what a tool you can be how awesome you are. After all, is there anyone better for a lawyer to emulate than the man who uttered the chorus on the song Can’t Truss It? No. No there is not.

3. Pretend It Doesn’t Exit

If you decide, at the end of your jaunt through law school (too casual?), that you aren’t interested in practicing law, it’s probably best that you make believe those three years never happened. Among the questions you’ll avoid:

• How are you dealing with your loans? Slowly and painfully.

• Why did you go to law school? I’m smart and I didn’t want to go to medical school.

• What are you going to do with your law degree? Wear it around my neck, pretending it’s a giant clock. Duh.

• Where do you see yourself in five years? Not wasting away in a cubicle while I pretend I’m on way to making partner while wondering why I deluded myself into thinking I’d be arguing issues of Constitutional import.

In all seriousness though, there is a lot you can do with your law degree. I’m happy and proud to have mine, even though it’s unlikely I’ll ever practice. Don’t let the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic (or even my writing) goad you into giving up your dreams (or those of your parents).