The Mocking JD
- Dec 03, 2015
- Entertainment, Odds and Ends
NOTE: This post is an extended Hunger Games analogy. If you’re not up on Hunger Games, please crawl out of your cave and get the lowdown on it from one of the many people who, unlike you, aren’t heavily bearded and dressed in rags. Now, on to our post.
Just like Katniss must choose between Gale and Peeta, you must choose between amorous law schools, each of which wants you to give it your heart freely, unequivocally, and eternally. (This is, of course, assuming you rock the LSAT that’s the day after tomorrow, but, you know, no pressure.) So let’s analyze your choices through the lens of this literary love triangle.
Gale is – wait for it – Gale is Yale. Clearly. I mean, on top of the fact that it rhymes – which is conclusive proof of any fact – Gale is handsome and desirable, just like Yale.
Who wouldn’t want to be cradled in Yale’s strong, warm libraries on cold nights? Yale is always number one in the US News & World Report rankings. A few pretty well known judges went there; Supreme Court justices Samuel Alito, Sonia Sotomayor, and Clarence Thomas come to mind. Y’know, no big deal.
Peeta, on the other hand, rhymes with Velveeta, and we’ve already established how important rhyme is. But, upon closer inspection, Peeta is so much more than an artificial cheese product with an impossibly long shelf life.
Peeta, is, of course, Katniss’ rock. He is there with her through thick and thin. He offers to sacrifice himself for her time and again. Still he’s a little clumsy, and nobody gets lost in his dreamy gaze like they do with Gale. So what law school stands in for Peeta?
That’s a tough one, but let’s look closer. First, Peeta is obviously a public school: a little gritty, subject to the vagaries of state funding, but perhaps nobler because of it. That knocks out a whole bunch of schools right off the bat. Also, Peeta is not a big city guy, nor is he a coastal elite, so the relevant law school wouldn’t be found in such places. No, Peeta is a denizen of the Panem heartland, and so the law school he represents must reside in the American heartland.
But before we slide too far down the rankings, let’s be clear. Peeta is no slouch. He may not be much to look at, but he’s a valuable ally who more than carries his weight. Peeta is, therefore, in my humble opinion, the University of Michigan. Michigan stands in the shadow of Detroit’s ruins – well, like 30 miles from that shadow, but you get the point. It’s battered each year by the bitterest of winters, and yet it stands beautiful and proud. It was ranked #11 in the nation last year, which is nothing to sneeze at. A sheepskin from Michigan is still powerful.
So where do you go? It might seem like a no brainer; Gale/Yale is the best. One thing, though: depending upon your LSAT and GPA (and, really, mostly your LSAT), you might be able to get through school at Michigan with far less debt than at Yale. If that’s the case, you can decide to live out your days baking bread in District Twelve if it suits you. With $250,000 in debt from Yale, you’ll be fighting bloody running battles in streets of the Capitol until Social Security kicks in. So choose wisely, and may the odds be ever in your favor.
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