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What Would They Score on the LSAT: NBA Playoffs Round II

The first round of this year’s NBA playoffs are in the books (finally), and the second round is underway. The defending champion Dallas Mavericks were eliminated in four games by the Oklahoma City Thunder, and the Chicago Bulls saw their season go down the pipes when star point guard Derrick Rose suffered a devastating knee injury. Now only eight teams remain.

I’ve already discussed the LSAT scores of Rose and other big names of round one, but what about round two?

Let’s check into the game:

TIM DUNCAN, San Antonio Spurs — 177

Oh, the Spurs. So unassuming. So intelligent. So old. Tim Duncan has looked like the Tim Duncan of old thus far in the 2012 NBA playoffs. Tim Duncan’s the kind of guy you wouldn’t even know is studying for the LSAT because he wouldn’t tell anyone. He’d just put in the work, show up, and dominate. He’d knock down strengthen and weaken questions like a 15-foot jumper off the glass. Sure, he might get tripped up by a new, more youthful type of question at the end of the LSAT (maybe an LSAT reading comp question about the thunder?), but it won’t hurt his legacy.

LAVOY ALLEN, Philadelphia 76ers — 162

I know what you’re thinking: Who the hell is Lavoy Allen? Even some Sixers fans have been asking themselves this question. Allen is a rookie for Philadelphia whom ESPN ranked before the season started as the 500th best player in the league. In the team’s game two win over the Celtics, Allen came off the bench to contribute 10 points and eight rebounds — not to mention a tie-breaking bank shot heave as the shot clock expired on a critical possession late in the game. Allen’s game is peaking at the right time, much like an LSAT student hitting his prime on LSAT test day. Meanwhile…

METTA WORLD PEACE, Los Angeles Lakers — 123

The assaultist formally known as Ron probably has the freshest legs on the Lakers’ squad, what with his missing the first six games of the team’s seven-game series win over the Denver Nuggets. Metta is averaging 13.5 PPG in his two games since the suspension, but he chucked 11 3-pointers in one game and only pulled down two boards in the next. You never know what to expect out of Metta, a trait that would no doubt carry over into LSAT prep. Besides, can you even picture Ron Artest sitting down to take a test?

LEBRON JAMES, Miami Heat — 155

Now that Chris Bosh is out indefinitely with an abdomen injury, all the pressure for the Heat is on Dwyane Wade and newly crowned MVP LeBron James. And if we’ve learned anything about the “King,” it’s that he can’t handle pressure. He’s like the guy in the LSAT prep class who crushes every practice exam but doesn’t show up on LSAT test day with his best stuff — often passing his pencil to someone else to finish for him. Maybe things turn around this year, but I wouldn’t guarantee anything.

LARRY BIRD, Indiana Pacers President — 146

The Pacers are back, and Larry Legend has been a big part of it — at least the rest of the league thinks so. Today Bird was named 2011-2012 Executive of the Year, making Bird is the first person to ever win the MVP, Coach of the Year and Executive of the Year league awards. But it’s been reported that Bird plans to leave the team at the end of the year. So the Pacers will either win the league crown and send Bird out a winner, or stumble somewhere down the line and send him out with a so-so farewell. Based on the fact that I can’t think of more than two people who play for Indiana, it’s going to be tough for the Pacers to win Bird any more hardware.