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Thanksgiving LSAT Study

  • by Colin Elzie
  • Nov 27, 2009
  • LSAT

colin-thanksgiving

Over five hundred years ago the most successful Italian ever found some crap islands that he mistook for India, and things have been downhill for Italy ever since. A few hundred years later there were also Indians who ate pie with people who had buckled hats made out of construction paper. Prior to all of this there was extensive native burning. My fifth grade history is a little hazy, but all of this somehow combined into what eventually became a holiday involving frantically increasing the obesity epidemic and trampling people for electronics.

You might feel the desire to take the whole weekend off from studying, spending it on the couch eating leftovers with your family. But have you looked in the mirror lately? You really don’t need any additional help repelling members of the opposite sex. Do yourself a favor and back off from the gravy, tubs. Eat some goddamn celery, drink some black coffee, and smoke a pack of Camels. Nothing tastes as good as burlap sacks full of money, which are guaranteed to come into your possession if you go to law school (along with shoeboxes full of happiness). You can’t study when you’re in a stuffing-induced food coma.
Disclaimer: going to law school does not guarantee burlap sacks full of money or shoeboxes of happiness.

So what are you doing this weekend? You’re studying. Because if you don’t the consequences ain’t pretty.

    Thanksgiving 2015 if you don’t study this weekend:
    Your Dad: Remember when you were planning on going to law school? What ever happened to that boy?
    You: I got a 124 because I didn’t study over Thanksgiving weekend, because I was eating pumpkin pie, which isn’t even really that good of a dessert! Now I’m a Cutco salesman! And I have syphilis in my mouth!
    Dad: No son of mine is going to be a dirty salesman! (Punches you in the head).
    Thanksgiving 2015 if you do study this weekend:
    You: Hi family, I’m home from my obscenely high paying job with Thanksgiving presents for everyone!
    Attractive blonde children with upper-class British accents: Papa! Papa! We do love you ever so much! All the other children at school don’t get Thanksgiving presents. Why is that, Papa?
    You: Well, that’s because their parents don’t love them as much!
    Supermodel wife walks in: Happy Thanksgiving, honey. (Starts giving you a BJ).
    …Later that day…
    You take a dump and wipe with an actual mink.

There’s less than two weeks until the real thing, and you can’t afford to throw away five days. You can and probably should take Thanksgiving Day itself off. Studying for days and days at a time can be problematic, because it will just burn you out and send you to the mental hospital early. But have your books with you, and get out of your house in the mornings to do some studying most of the other days. You really can see some major improvement in this final stretch, so you might be throwing away some big points by not bringing your books. Just keep thinking about how much more your family will love you once you’re a successful lawyer.

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