A. We hope your Fourth of July was a good as these super chill cops’ day, who responded to a complaint about an unauthorized slip-n-slide by sliding down it themselves. CBS News
B. NPR, as part of its tradition of reading the Declaration of Independence on air every Fourth of July, tweeted out the document, line-by-line. This angered many Twitter users, especially those who assumed the parts about King George III were about current president Donald Trump. America: looking great at 241! Washington Post
C. Conservatives and liberals were able to agree about one thing this Fourth though—Joey Chestnut is an American hero for breaking his hot-dog-eating record and bringing the Nathan’s title to America yet again CNN seemingly threatening to dox the Reddit user who made the Trump-body-slamming-CNN video was pretty bad form. NY Times
D. In law-related news, multiple states are filing suits against big pharma companies for manufacturing the pain killers that have led to the opioid crisis. Washington Post
E. Speaking of lawsuits and pharmaceuticals, hated pharma bro Martin Shkreli’s security fraud case continued its inauspicious start, with Shkreli allegedly violating his Twitter ban with a secret account. The Daily Beast
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