A. Does your boss defecate toward you? No? Because that’s just a swell practical joke. Lowering the Bar
B. With Selection Sunday this weekend, March Madness is right around the corner. Get your best bracket pen ready! ESPN
C. Scientists have discovered a bacteria capable of breaking down plastic. We’re pretty sure this means that it’s now okay to litter. CBS
D. Hamas burned 15 tons of Snickers bars. I mean, what? New York Post
E. It was inevitable, really, but that doesn’t make it any less intolerable. There is now a “Hot Migrants of Syria” Instagram account.
