Medical school will stretch your time in ways you couldn’t have imagined. In previous blogs, I’ve talked about the tenacity and resilience it demands. As you start this process, it’s very easy to get wrapped up in the idea of delayed gratification—after all, this mindset likely played a role in helping you get to where you are today.
One part of life that can easily fall victim to this mentality is your relationships, especially if you’ve moved far from home. This may seem like something that can wait until you have the time, but I urge you not to fall into that trap.
Maintaining relationships in medical school can be tricky, but it’s well worth it to maintain your support system. Medical school is four years long, and you’ll have 3-10 additional years training in residency and fellowship, if not more! Perhaps even Henry David Thoreau after his time in Walden pond would agree that’s a long time to be in isolation.
One challenge to maintaining healthy relationships in medical school is that your friends and family may wonder why you’ve suddenly disappeared. Perhaps it now takes you days to return a call or reply to a message. It can be difficult to explain to them that a lot of your time is spent pushing the space bar on Anki to learn about obscure microbes. Is that what they expect you to talk to them about?
Jokes aside, how do you navigate situations like this? It’s not always easy, but we can help. Here are nine strategies for maintaining healthy relationships in medical school!
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9 Ways to Maintain Healthy Relationships in Medical School
1. Pencil in your “can’t miss” dates.
This is a great way to maintain relationships in medical school. As invitations for weddings or important family reunions come in, make a note of them on your calendar and try to request dates off early.
Your school may use an online absence request form or require email communication. It may be challenging if you have exams or required clinical duties during that time, but letting your block or clerkship coordinator know ahead of time is your best bet at making that event.
During my first few months in residency, I was able to make it to my friend’s wedding across the country and it meant the world to him. You won’t regret prioritizing these types of important life events when possible. Still, give yourself grace though if you can’t make it to a function—it does happen.
2. Call during your downtime.
This can also go a long way when it comes to maintaining healthy relationships in medical school. As a medical student, I noticed I had a lot of down time during the day. For example, I had a roughly 15-minute walk between my apartment and the hospital. I soon learned this was a valuable time to make phone calls to friends and family! Similarly, time for cooking dinner now served two purposes.
In the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit there were many days that I was exhausted and used these times just to vibe and decompress. Do what works best for you!
3. Be in the moment.
With the demanding nature of medical school, you may continue to dwell on a patient case or a research project long after you’ve left the hospital. This can be challenging when you’re trying to spend time with your loved ones and come across as distant.
During this time, it’s important to compartmentalize and give priority to the people you’re with. Easier said than done no doubt. However, practicing this each time can allow you to make the most of the spare time you have.
4. Share your schedule.
A great way to schedule trips or virtual events with loved ones is to share calendars! One of my co-residents told me how this strategy has allowed her to go on trips she would have never thought were possible.
I now do this with one of my best friends in Columbus and we ended up planning an incredible weekend camping trip this past fall as well as many spontaneous day trips. Even just a small pocket of time can be quite therapeutic and allow you to come back rejuvenated.
5. Go on social media.
You probably think I made a typo in the headline. But I’m serious! Relationships in medical school can benefit from social media use. You never know when a friend might find themselves in your city.
After seeing friends’ stories on Instagram and reaching out, I ended up making some last-minute plans with them. I even discovered some old friends that lived in the same city as me. Perhaps the most spontaneous meet up I’ve had was with a friend visiting Columbus for the Arnold Sports Festival.
6. Schedule co-working hangouts.
With the schedule in medical school, it can often be difficult to connect with friends in other lines of work. While I was apprehensive about this at first, I found that scheduling co-working hangouts made for an excellent way to socialize and still be productive.
For example, during one hangout I learned what it means to “make a deck for a client.” Whether it was at a coffee shop or someone’s living room, it was nice to have the company and I found that “body doubling” often helped me focus more. For me, co-working hangouts have been a great way to strengthen relationships in medical school.
7. Include them in the journey.
Your journey to becoming a physician is a huge milestone and your village is very proud of you. It can be easy to forget that with all the stressors of being in medical school.
Sending out small updates like the block you just completed or a fun story from medical school can be a great way of enabling them to feel like a part of your journey. Giving them a peek into what your daily life is like can be very exciting…and also explain why you’re so busy!
8. Manage your commitments wisely.
When you start classes, there will be a club fair for all the different organizations. While they can be great for forming new relationships in medical school, before you know it, you may find yourself on a double-digit number of email lists.
Try not to spread yourself too thin. If taking on another research project, club, or leadership position digs too much into your personal bandwidth and takes away from quality time with loved ones, assess for yourself if it’s worth it.
9. Let them know ahead of time you’ll have low bandwidth.
If you’re about to enter a particularly demanding time during medical school like your Step 1 dedicated study period, it can help to tip off people in your circle that you may not be as available in the coming weeks. That way they may not worry as much if you don’t respond for some time.
Final Thoughts
I hope some of these strategies can help you maintain quality relationships in medical school and beyond. You’re in an important training period of your life that will demand a lot from you!
Something I’ve always remembered is a quote by Allen Saunders, popularized by John Lennon: “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” So don’t lose focus of the important people in your life right now. Medical school is challenging, and it’s easy to lose track of time. Be sure to spend some of it with the people that make you, you. 💙
