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Why You Should Go to Law School

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Why You Should Go to Law School
Just to show you all that I’m perfectly well aware of the largely negative and sarcastic bent of my blog posts, I thought I’d actually (attempt to) write something (quasi-) positive. To that end, I’m going to tell you a few of the reasons why you should go to law school. We’ll see how it goes. I, for one, am optimistic.

Reason #1: You will probably be smarter by the time you’re done.

For all the jibber-jabber you’ll hear about “thinking like a lawyer” and “becoming more analytical,” law school (believe or not) will provide an insightful new layer of subtext to your life. For instance, why is that fence that separates your yard from your neighbor’s yard six feet instead of seven? Well, it’s not because someone kindly requested that it be a foot shorter. It’s probably because your neighbor is a jerk and argued the planning commission into forcing you to keep the height of your fence down.

In other words, when you know some form of hearing or litigation is almost always an option, you’ll probably strategize better. You’ll also be a lawyer (hopefully), so you can (probably) threaten to drag out the proceedings to no end if your opponent neighbor becomes obstinate.

Reason #2: You will learn how to write.

Legal writing, despite your impressions, is all about economy of prose. When you’re writing a brief for a judge (or more likely, that judge’s law clerk) you want it to be as brief and intelligible as possible while still conveying the necessary points. Your brief will probably also need to be persuasive. This is where the talent comes in. You can’t just go casting aspersions on opposing counsel and his/her client with a bunch of ugly adjectives. Frankly, calling someone a “really bad person” isn’t going to persuade anyone. Rather, you’ll learn to use verbs and nouns that make someone seem bad without making you seem like a total asshole. For instance, rather than writing “respondent cut up my client’s pig really, really badly” you’ll write, “respondent eviscerated my client’s pig.” Pretty fancy, huh? This is all assuming that you’re practicing law in a place where livestock is readily available for evisceration.

Reason #3: Your threatening letters will actually be threatening.

Nobody, aside from the lawyers who get paid to do so, wants to take a matter to court. It’s messy, expensive and time-consuming. And that’s when you win! Well guess what, once you pass the bar and are sworn in, your angry messages will carry a helluvalot more weight. Why, you ask? Because the person you’re angry with will buy your threats a lot more readily when they know that you know how the legal system works. Why’s that? Because they probably don’t know how the legal system works. It’s big, scary and has a language all its own (res ipsa loquitur anyone?). So feel free to fire off an angry e-mail, throw the ol’ “Esq.” after your name at the end and see how quickly your adversary wants to come to mutually agreeable terms.

That’s all folks, and in the immortal words of Tigger: TTFN! Ta-ta for now!

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