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Objection! The Top Three Silliest Lawsuits of 2011

Enough with the all too serious LSAT and law school advice of the past month. It’s time to strap in for some funny. And nothing says “holiday cheer” like a good ol’ frivolous lawsuit . . . or three. The depths to which people are willing to stoop in the name of entitlement never ceases to amaze, or appall. And with that, I give you three of the most frivolous lawsuits of 2011.

1. Man Sues Health Club for Substandard Complimentary Breakfast

Enter Richard Katz, Esq. That’s right — lawyers abuse the legal system in the names of themselves as well as their clients. Mr. Katz purchased a membership at a very, very expensive health club with the promise of free breakfast (in addition to gold-plated barbells and locker room butlers). Apparently, the quality of this breakfast declined precipitously over the course of the past year. So precipitously in fact, that Mr. Katz thought it worth a $750,000 lawsuit.

You read that correctly. Seven. Hundred. Fifty. Thousand. Dollars. I don’t know about you, but when I hear “complimentary breakfast” at even the hoitiest of toity establishments, I think of dehydrated egg powder, Cheerios (if you’re lucky) and stale coffee. The fact that Mr. Katz got anything at all should be grounds for dismissal of his suit as utterly baseless.

2. Kidnapper Sues Hostages for Breach of Contract

Want a cause of action in civil court? No problem. Just extort someone by kidnapping them. That’s what Jesse Dimmick did to Jarred and Lindsay Rowley. Brandishing a knife, Dimmick convinced the Rowleys to house him and keep him safe from police. And they did for a while. But once Dimmick fell asleep during movie time and snacks, the Rowleys crept out the back door and called the cops.

Dimmick now asks for $235,000,as a result of the injuries he sustained during his arrest that arose from the Rowleys’ alleged breach of contract. Totally reasonable right? I mean, who doesn’t bring a weapon to negotiations? Now I know how Scott Boras gets such good deals for his clients. The answer is obvious: firearms. If a knife will get you into someone’s house, surely a 9mm will get you a $100,000,000 contract.

3. Man Sues Photog for Bad Wedding Photos . . . That Were Taken in 2003

Todd J. Remis was like so many, merely looking to commemorate a (supposedly) joyous occasion with his new bride. So he hired H&H Photographers to do so for him. And so they did. But apparently the picture quality wasn’t great and they neglected to document the last dance and bouquet. Tsk, tsk H&H.

Now, Todd is suing H&H. Let’s just ignore the fact that he and his (possibly mail order) bride are now divorced, and focus on the fact that neither moment was likely worth documenting. Let’s think last dance. Everyone’s drunk. Lots of people are doing the “white man’s overbite” and no doubt engaging in some of the most horrific dry humping the world as ever seen. Not exactly photo worthy (unless you’re looking for blackmail fodder). The same goes for the bouquet toss. The bride generally makes some feeble attempt at throwing the flowers to a group of women who are (inexplicably) chomping at the bit to be the next to get married. Pictures? Sure, if you want to see a lot of scratching, yelling and smeared lip gloss. If anything, H&H did Todd a favor. But who can blame him for suing? He’s probably just trying to make alimony payments.

And now, you’re weekly adorable and hilarious (but also kinda sad) video.