The Oscars are this weekend, so we here at Blueprint LSAT Prep will all be tuning in to watch the film industry collectively pat itself on the back. But who will win? Who will lose? Why should you care?
All good questions, so, using the powers of the LSAT, we’re here to answer them. Sort of.
Here are our predictions of how the fictional characters portrayed would do if the awards were based on their LSAT scores, and whether or not the actor actually deserves the Oscar. Which seems as good a measure as any, considering what a subpar year this was for movies.
Supporting Actor: Thaddeus Stevens (Tommy Lee Jones) — Lincoln
This one is pretty obvious, as Stevens is already a lawyer, and was one of the most important members of congress in the history of America. He’d study hard and do well, and then spend three hours talking about it.
Should he get the Oscar? Of course not. Tommy Lee Jones is fine, but it should clearly go to Philip Seymour Hoffman, who was excellent in the largely snubbed The Master.
Supporting Actress: Cheryl Cohen-Greene (Helen Hunt) — The Sessions
The sex therapist from the movie The Sessions is already known to have a doctorate, so she’s probably used to standardized tests. This is where we would insert a sex joke, but we’re not one of the fourteen people in the world who have actually seen this movie.
Should she get the Oscar? I mean, really? It’s Helen Hunt. Really?
Actor: Abraham Lincoln (Daniel Day-Lewis) — Lincoln
We don’t have to talk about this one, right? It’s Abraham Lincoln.
Should he get the Oscar? I’d normally be the first to advocate giving Daniel Day-Lewis all the Oscars all the time, but have you seen The Master? Remember that photography scene early on with Joaquin Phoenix? Oh, you don’t? Because you’re a terrible person who saw The Hobbit instead? Oh, ok.
Actress: Maya (Jessica Chastain) — Zero Dark Thirty
The woman who managed to find Osama bin Laden can probably work her way through a couple LSAT logic games no problem.
Should she get the Oscar? Jessica Chastain was fine, but Emmanuelle Riva was far, far better. If you haven’t already, go see Amour immediately. And then try not to kill yourself.
Best Picture: You can’t really relate a whole movie to an LSAT score. But if you look at the list of nominees; it’s pretty paltry stuff. What kind of underwhelming year must it have been for just-OK fare like Life of Pi and Django Unchained to make the list? Just be glad you’re studying for the LSAT and not trying to break into the film industry.
