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Great Gifts for the LSAT Taker in Your Life

  • by Colin Elzie
  • May 03, 2010
  • Odds and Ends

Great Gifts for the LSAT Taker in Your LifeWith so many holidays coming up in the lusty month of May, if you’re studying for the LSAT you might not have the time to worry about what you’re getting your loved ones for National Chocolate Chip Day on May 15th (the appropriate gift is opium). But if you know someone who is studying for the LSAT, then they could certainly use a present, whether it’s for his or her birthday, anniversary, extremely belated bar mitzvah, or just as a way to say “Happy Mexican May 5th.” I’ve compiled some fantastic ideas.

Chocolate Covered Espresso Beans – These things are delicious, and basically a drug, which makes them perhaps the greatest invention of all time. If I could eat nothing but chocolate-covered espresso beans without getting terrible ulcers, diabetes, gout, and eventual death, I totally would. It says both “I want you to have a delicious treat” and “I understand your need to not sleep.” DO NOT FEED TO DOGS.

A Bag Full of Money – Many LSAT takers are either full-time workers or full-time students. These poor souls often don’t have as much time to study as they would like. Well, this could all change if and when you give them a burlap sack full of money. The full-time employees can quit their jobs and devote all of their time to LSAT study. And full time students can pay that exchange student to take their Organic Chemistry final for them so they can focus on logic games. Also, after the test, having a burlap sack full of money is a great way to attract the ladies. Careful, though, a sock full of nickels isn’t the same thing, and should only be used as a weapon.

Tissues – These are great on two levels. First of all, you’re allowed to bring them into the LSAT, so that’s one less thing they have to worry about. Also, they’ll come in handy as your loved one sobs him or herself to sleep.

Tampons – Along the same line. You never know when you’ll get a stress-induced early flow, and there’s nothing more stress-inducing than the LSAT. Also, they can be great for male test-takers as well. There’s no rule saying men can’t have them, and this could make for a hilarious situation. DO NOT FEED TO DOGS.

Piñata – These make great Mexican May 5th presents. Give the piñata an LSAT twist by writing “LSAT” on it. Then metaphor-ize it some more by writing “diligent study” on the baseball bat. The piñata should be filled with both delicious chocolates and rabid voles. If the recipient has hit the LSAT piñata with the study bat hard enough, then the voles (“bad scores”) will have all died of blunt force trauma, and the chocolate (“good scores”) can be safely consumed. The vole corpses may be fed to dogs.

Time – Seriously. Don’t be bugging your loved ones. Not now. Your loved ones need to study. If you can’t understand this and are only able to fixate on your own selfish needs, you don’t understand what love is all about. Sometimes love means leaving your partner the hell alone.

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