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Beloved Christmas Characters Take the LSAT

Christmas is around the corner, but if you’re reading this, then the visions dancing through your head are probably more centered around logic games and less around sugar plums. It doesn’t seem quite fair that you should be holed up studying for the LSAT while everyone else enjoys the holiday season, but once this is over, you’ll have the greatest gift of all – a beautiful new LSAT score. But until that happens, let’s stop and consider how Christmas’ cavalcade of characters would score on the LSAT.

Santa – 176

Santa must be some sort of genius. Not only does he manage the largest factory in the world, he also has unbelievable organizational skills, having to visit every house in a single night. Clearly he’s a pretty sharp guy. On top of that, he has an incredible amount of time each year when he doesn’t have anything to do, so he’d definitely be able to put in extra study time. He’d end up doing amazingly well.

The Elves – Various scores, all in the 120s

The elves are Santa’s labor force, and they certainly wouldn’t be given any time to hit the books. And while they may not be human, making it hard to know what their starting abilities would be, it’s entirely possible that their small stature is just stunted growth due to malnutrition and being overworked. Growing up having to constantly make toys while never seeing daylight (at the North Pole the sun disappears for 179 days) can’t be good for one’s neurological development. And all of this is moot anyway, since it’s unlikely Santa would allow them out to get even a basic primary education, let alone go to college or grad school.

Ebenezer Scrooge – 164

Scrooge is already a successful business owner, so he knows the value of hard work. Furthermore, he already has the moral fortitude to be a lawyer, so he’d be pretty set. He would study if he had to, but would more likely somehow con The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come into getting him a copy of a 2013 test so he could memorize the answers.

Frosty – Absence

He was a jolly, happy soul…until he took the LSAT. Frosty, after growing tired of playing with the children who gave him the gift of life, decides to better himself by going to law school. He starts studying for the test, but an unseasonably warm day puts a gruesome end to those plans, leaving nothing behind but a soggy pile of prep tests.