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A Better Today: Our Candidacy for Bell City Council

It has come to our attention that three vacancies on the Bell, California City Council have opened in the last few days due to citizen unrest over the salaries of certain council members. The positions were left vacant by departing Chief Administrative Officer Robert Rizzo, Assistant City Manager Angela Spaccia, and Police Chief Randy Adams, who each made upwards of $350,000, with Rizzo clocking in at a solid $787,000 (almost twice the salary of Barack Obama).

Rizzo, after retirement, will make $650,000 per year with his pension, in perpetuity. His will be the highest pension in the state pension system. The other two, Adams and Spaccia, will make $410,000 and $250,000 respectively per year in retirement which is, as we like to say, nothing to sneer at.

Special times call for special people, so it is with determination and strength of spirit that I, David Woods, and my employers, Trent Teti and Jodi Triplett, announce our candidacy to fill those positions. Together, we feel we can take back the city of Bell, and forge a better tomorrow for its citizens.

Trent Teti will campaign for the position of Chief Administrative Officer, believing strongly in the need for civic reform. In that vein, Teti will cut his own salary to $782,000 and accept only a limited increase in salary of 6% per year.

“[I will also] campaign on a platform of weight loss,” Teti said in a statement. “The good citizens of Bell deserve a candidate they can believe in. With that said, I promise to weigh less than my predecessor at the end of my term.”

Teti will also donate 5% of his salary per year to the Trent Teti Foundation, set up to help fund entrepreneurial LSAT Preparation companies in the La Brea corridor.

I will be running for the position of Police Chief, with the belief that my background as a youth basketball coach and summer camp archery instructor prepares me well for an administrative position in law enforcement. Unlike Adams, I will not abandon the city in its time of need.

Jodi Triplett, running for assistant City Manager, feels that the position will play into her strengths, particularly her ability to prepare Blueberry Streudel.

“With the news that Bell is undergoing such significant upheaval, I can no longer sit on the sidelines,” Triplett said. “So it is with a heavy heart that I leave Blueprint and take my culinary talents to the city of Bell.”